Action Begets Despair

hope in small steps

I’ve needed to write to say where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. Let’s start with this: Losing Hope — that’s where I’ve been.

Let’s be honest, hope slips away faster and faster these days. That’s where I was. That’s where I’ve been. In the hopeless land for far too long.

I’m very susceptible to the world around me. And it seems like every day — every five seconds — there’s something else to be riddled with panic and fear about. Something else that makes you feel like you don’t even know the world you’re actually living in anymore. Life has become unrecognizable. People, places, things feel far away. And when you think of the future, you think:

What’s the point?

I know I’m not alone in this. I talk about it on my podcast, Rebellious; Art, Culture, Human, which you should absolutely go listen to. A recent guest, Israa Nasir, a therapist, said something that stopped me in my tracks. Not because I’d never heard it before but because the noise of the world had become so loud that I had forgotten it. She said it so clearly:

“Action begets despair.”
And I thought: That’s right — action. That’s what I was forgetting. And although I “knew” that — and if you didn’t know that until this moment, welcome to changing your life right now — but why did I forget?

Because that’s the plan. To make you forget your power. To keep you in the noise of fear, dread, poverty, struggle, illness, and separation. It’s done in every section of life. From everyday living, to workplaces, to personal health. Making you a consumer which goes against the very nature of you as a human being. Especially if you are a creative human being — which we all are really — but those that are artists at heart, this destroys the very thing that helps us exist. This noise literally stops you in your tracks — INTENTIONALLY!

It’s not only that we’re looking fascism in the face, and seeing cruelty on every level. It’s an extra blow if you’re female in a world that basically says in every way, every day — you don’t matter. Being told that, shown that, experiencing that over and over again is exhausting to your mind, body, and soul.

It becomes really hard to get up in the morning and want to do anything at all, let alone be productive, when you know your efforts are not and will not be taken seriously. If you’ve seen the latest Ankler report about female directors — that females directed only four percent of the movies last year — it’s just one small example of what I’m talking about. Any program that was supposedly about opening up to diversity is gone. It’s clear, they never wanted to do it in the first place. The mask is off. As we were also just told by the NY Times that WOMEN HAVE RUINED THE WORKPLACE. Yes, this is where we are. So yeah, I’ve had some hopeless months.

And I’ve personally felt the pushback on all fronts. As an actor, I was basically retired. I didn’t retire — but you get retired after a certain age. Many of my female friends… same thing. You’re just done. My film, Fresh Kills — yes, I talk about it a lot. You know what? Welcome. I’m going to keep talking about it. Because it is all the proof I needed to deeply understand that the system is deeply, profoundly broken. Especially for females, outsiders, or anyone working outside the systems in power.

But let me get back to my point — I gave myself permission to make that film. I learned that lesson of green-lighting myself, yet somehow, I found myself waiting again. I was raised in this industry believing you have to make your work undeniable and then you’ll move forward. I’m here to tell you this —

THAT IS NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the two and a half years since making the film, I’ve been attached to direct a few things. None of which can get funding. All of the projects are about women. Coincidence? I think not. One of the films even has a female Oscar-winner attached. Still can’t get money. Now I know it’s hard for everyone trying to get funding right now — I’m not saying it isn’t. And this post isn’t just about the industry. Especially when people are having trouble just surviving. I’m just getting to a point.

The point is hope. How do you have any hope when the world is telling you straight out — WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU. Not your art, not your health, not your voice, not your future.

The answer I have discovered is ACTION!!!

Mark Duplass Was Right: The Cavalry Isn’t Coming
As Mark Duplass said in his famous SXSW speech: “The cavalry isn’t coming.” If the cavalry isn’t coming for him it’s for SURE NOT COMING for you, my female friends.

The Realization That Hit Me

I thought — You’re waiting again. You’re waiting on an industry to give money to projects they don’t even see as worthy. And if you look at the projects they are making? None of them are even working. None. And they’re all coming from the same people, over and over. Do you even want to be in that club? I don’t. And I have a feeling many of you don’t either. I kept thinking about the money it took just to get Fresh Kills on the screen. It wasn’t a ton of money. But I didn’t know then what I know now. How I could do it better. More efficiently. And now that I do know…

What are you going to do about it, Jennifer?

Being in the NonDe community now and seeing how many people are feeling the same and joining forces to make change has made something crystal clear:

There is no distribution company coming to save the day. No magical financing. Definitely not a film festival. We MUST look in the mirror and say:

It’s up to you. It’s up to us.

Not only as humans, but as humans who are artists. We have an obligation to keep going right now. We have an obligation to find hope — for ourselves, for our neighbors, for humanity. It’s through our eyes, and what we see happening, that we create something that reflects the times. As Maya Angelou said: “an artist’s job is to reflect the times.”

So I decided to stop waiting and get moving.

I’m making a micro-budget film!

Which I hope you’ll follow along on this journey. I’ve already started posting here in the notes about what I’m doing every day. That movement — taking one small step each day — has brought me more joy than anything I’ve done in a long, long time. No one is going to tell me, exhaust me, scare me out of doing what I want with my own life.

And if you ask how I’m getting this micro-budget movie done? As I said, one step at a time, with community, like-minded artists, and the belief and HOPE that art still MATTERS.

YOU MUST COME ALONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to be sharing EVERY INCH of this journey — every raw step, every behind-the-scenes moment, the wins and the fuck-ups — right here.

I’ll be revealing deeper details, early scene steals, visual mood boards, and the first pages in the upcoming weeks/months.

As I’ve said before in many posts, ART IS NEEDED NOW MORE THAN EVER. Our freedom of speech is being taken away more and more every day and in ways you may not even realize. I’ll leave you with this — if the films, TV,

that you watch is all by one singular vision, by one singular type/gender and then funded by that singular viewpoint and then created in that same agenda — are we seeing the world the way it actually is, or by a singular agenda of how that establishment wants us to see it?

Scary when you think of it that way, huh.

Please come on this journey with me and help independent artists fight for not only their projects but all of our rights to hear ALL STORIES.